Bio: Malcolm Foley

Without his team having played a single game in the Santa Lechuga Power League, the young and enterprising Malcolm Foley has become the single most detested owner in the history of the league, which is remarkable considering the long list of detestable owners that have been in the league. Rewriting the playbooks of infamous professional sports team owners Al Davis and George Steinbrenner, Foley successfully manipulated the legal system, international treaties, the World Bank, and a dim-witted league commissioner in order to land a team in the SLPL. The suit Foley brought against current league owners in 2002 -- claiming that they unfairly, unduly, and incompetently tried to prevent him from joining the league just because he's in grade school -- has generated deep animosity.

League players don't like him, either. Because he relocated his team to Copenhagen, Denmark (from Jackson, CA) before the beginning of the season, players have become hostile toward Foley. Said one player, speaking on the condition of anonymity, "That kid screwed up my life. I've got a wife and a child at home in Jackson. Because of this dipwad, I'll get to see them like two days a month during the season."

Foley is youngest-ever SLPL owner. Still, he has single-handedly embarrassed current team owners, moved his team to Europe, secured a spot for his team in the league, and forced the league to give him a regular column on the SLPL website.

Foley lives with his mom, his dad, and his sister. He's rumored to have an irrational fear of horses.