| SLPL 2003 Quotes Archive | |
| 7/10 | "A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain." ~Lazarus Long |
| 7/9 | "Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President. (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin." ~David Letterman |
| 7/8 | "Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities." ~Frank Lloyd Wright |
| 7/7 | "If
I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants." ~Isaac Newton "If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." ~Hal Abelson |
| 7/6 | "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." ~Lily Tomlin |
| 7/5 | "Heaven for climate; Hell for society." ~Mark Twain |
| 7/4 | "Our patriotic fervor was the result of the old and widespread belief in the idea of American exceptionalism, the idea that America was a new thing in history, different from other countries. Other nations had evolved one way or another, evolved from tribes from a gathering of clans, from inevitabilities of language and tradition and geography. But America was born, and born of ideas: that all men are created equal, that they have been given certain rights that can be taken from them by no man, and that those rights combine to create a thing called freedom." ~Peggy Noonan |
| 7/3 | "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." ~George W. Bush |
| 7/2 | "I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike." ~Emile Henry Gauvreau |
| 7/1 | "I waited and waited, but I finally washed them myself." ~Note seen scribbled under "Employees Must Wash Hands" sign |
| 6/30 | "Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance." ~King George V |
| 6/29 | "There can be no offense where none is taken." ~Japanese Proverb |
| 6/28 | "Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it p*sses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'" ~Steven Wright |
| 6/27 | "Welcome home." ~Guard at Wilderness Lodge security gate |
| 6/26 | "This vacationing (in Orlando) is hard work." ~Pedregoso Rios after spending 14 hours at three Disney parks yesterday |
| 6/25 | "Whatever!" ~Katie Jane Surratt, pre-teen |
| 6/24 | "Would you please make less noise with your mouth when you eat?" ~Pedregoso Rios, to his nieces in Orlando |
| 6/23 | "Cam we go on it again!?!?" ~Danielle Collier, Pedregoso's niece, immediately after getting off the rollercoaster Kracken at Sea World in Orlando (after not wanting to go on it at all) |
| 6/22 | "How rude!" ~Katie Jane "J.D. Kane" Surratt |
| 6/21 | "Try again." ~Danielle "Windy" Collier |
| 6/20 | "Save California; when you leave, take someone with you." ~Bumper sticker |
| 6/19 | "Think about how stupid the average person is and then realize that half of them are stupider than that!" ~George Carlin |
| 6/18 | "How do you keep an Philadelphia Eagles player out of your yard? Put up goal posts." ~Joke by former Eagles fan Bill Narberth |
| 6/17 | "You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever." ~Unknown |
| 6/16 | "Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong." ~Geoff Arbuthnot |
| 6/15 | "I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, 'Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?' 'Yes, officer, but I wasn't going to be out that long…'" ~Steven Wright |
| 6/14 | "4,000 and 300 puts me with some great names that ever played the game, that ever stepped on that mound." ~Roger Clemens |
| 6/13 | "The greatest and most
important problems of life are all fundamentally insoluble. They can never be solved but only outgrown." ~Carl Jung |
| 6/12 | "We all came over on different boats, but we are all in the same boat now." ~Dr. Benjamin S. Carson |
| 6/11 | "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother." ~Horse Racing Commentator Ted Walsh |
| 6/10 | "He wants Texas back." ~Tommy Lasorda, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitcher Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in upcoming contract negotiations |
| 6/9 | "No amount of ability is of the slightest avail without honor." ~Andrew Carnegie |
| 6/8 | "Don't envy those without problems, envy those with problems who can handle them." ~Unknown |
| 6/7 | "I killed a six-pack just to watch it die." ~Bumper sticker |
| 6/6 | "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once." ~Bumper sticker |
| 6/5 | "We believe the X-ray process was sufficient to determine the state of those bats, and we're very confident all of those bats were clean and had no foreign substances within them. We're happy with that, and that is consistent with Sammy's explanation of the incident last night." ~Sandy Alderson |
| 6/4 | "I use that (corked) bat for batting practice. It's something that I take the blame for. It's a mistake, I know that. I feel sorry. I just apologize to everybody that are embarrassed.'' ~Sammy Sosa |
| 6/3 | "Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." ~Baruch Spinoza |
| 6/2 | Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?" Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." ~Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest |
| 6/1 | "Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." ~T.S. Eliot |
| 5/31 | "All right Mister, let me tell you what winning means... you're willing to go longer, work harder, give more than anyone else." ~Vince Lombardi |
| 5/30 | "Give me ambiguity or give me something else." ~Bumper sticker |
| 5/29 | "Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." ~Henry David Thoreau |
| 5/28 | "The individual who knows the score about life sees difficulties as opportunities." ~Norman Vincent Peale |
| 5/27 | "I was wondering how my life would have been different if I'd been born one day earlier, and I thought maybe it wouldn't be different at all, except that I'd have asked that question yesterday." ~Steven Wright |
| 5/26 | "Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenity." ~General George S. Patton, Jr. |
| 5/25 | "Last year, we were just more than happy to be there. This year, we want to get back and prove it wasn't a fluke. And actually we're a much better team than we were last year." ~Nets Coach Byron Scott, before eliminating the Pistons |
| 5/24 | "Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?" ~Bumper Sticker |
| 5/23 | "Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it." George Bernard Shaw |
| 5/22 | "Nothing is easy to the unwilling." ~Thomas Fuller |
| 5/21 | "Well done is better than well said." ~Said well, ironically, by Benjamin Franklin |
| 5/20 | "Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. ~Dorothy" ~Bumper Sticker |
| 5/19 | "When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'" ~Steven Wright |
| 5/18 | "You lose Webber, it's like them losing Nowitzki or San Antonio losing (Tim) Duncan, but there's nothing you can do about it. But I still give my team a lot of credit. They truly felt we could win this series without Chris Webber." ~Coach Rick Adelman after the Sacramento Kings were eliminated by the Dallas Mavericks |
| 5/17 | "They got it done and we didn't. We couldn't catch a break and we put ourselves in a bad situation with fouls." ~Allen Iverson , commenting on being eliminated from the NBA playoffs by the Detroit Pistons |
| 5/16 | "We've been put down by these guys the last couple of years … More than ending their reign, that felt a lot better -- ending their season and going on." ~Tim Duncan on beating the Lakers |
| 5/15 | "You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing." ~Arthur Ashe |
| 5/14 | "In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us." ~Josh Billings |
| 5/13 | "I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfilment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious." ~Vince Lombardi |
| 5/12 | "I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy." ~Steven Wright |
| 5/11 | "My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her." ~George Washington |
| 5/10 | "The young graduate is discovering that among the necessaries of life, the most important is living." ~Old Saying |
| 5/9 | "When I was a child, I was told anyone could become president. Now I believe it!" ~Bumper Sticker |
| 5/8 | "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." ~Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books |
| 5/7 | "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." ~Frieda Norris |
| 5/6 | "This will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave." ~Elmer Davis |
| 5/5 | "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home." ~Bumper sticker |
| 5/4 | "The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character." ~Isabelle Eberhardt |
| 5/2 | "I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time." ~Steven Wright |
| 5/1 | "Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open." ~Sir James Dewar |
| 4/30 | "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate." ~Dan Quayle |
| 4/29 | "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~Martin Luther King, Jr. |
| 4/28 | "Cracker Jacks must be in the license business again." ~Bumper Sticker |
| 4/27 | "People that live in glass houses should dress in the basement." ~Austin Overstreet. |
| 4/26 | "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." ~Mariah Carey |
| 4/25 | "He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in." ~Steven Wright |
| 4/24 | "Nonconformists are all alike" ~Bumper sticker |
| 4/23 | "I like a man who grins when he fights." ~Sir Winston Churchill |
| 4/22 | "Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?" ~Unknown |
| 4/21 | "A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..." ~Unknown |
| 4/20 | "A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands." ~Unknown |
| 4/19 | "Losers have tons of variety. Champions just take pride in learning to hit the same old boring winning shots." ~Vic Braden |
| 4/18 | "The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe." ~Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia |
| 4/17 | "Is 'tired old cliché' one?" ~Steven Wright |
| 4/16 | For Stampeding Bovines Owner Homer Bedlow, who's celebrating a birthday today: "In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation." ~Roger Allen |
| 4/15 | "There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide." ~Mortimer Caplan |
| 4/14 | "'My country, right or wrong' is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'" ~G.K. Chesterton |
| 4/13 | "The team has come along slow but fast." ~Casey Stengel, Mets manager |
| 4/12 | "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." ~Batman Costume warning label |
| 4/11 | "I always turn to the sports pages first, which records people's accomplishments. The front page has nothing but man's failures." ~Chief Justice Earl Warren |
| 4/10 | "There's a lot of fighting left in this battle.'' ~Donald Rumsfeld |
| 4/9 | "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." ~ Douglas Adams |
| 4/8 | "You will find it a distinct help if you know and look as if you know what you are doing." ~IRS Training Manual for tax auditors |
| 4/7 | For Pedregoso's nephew, Josh: "If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." ~Bill Cosby |
| 4/6 | "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." ~Thomas Edison |
| 4/5 | "Be careful -- with quotations you can damn anything." ~Andre Mairaux |
| 4/4 | "And now the sequence of events in no particular order." ~Dan Rather |
| 4/3 | "Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible." ~George Orwell, Animal Farm |
| 4/2 | "If you're not keeping score, you're just practicing." ~Vince Lombardi |
| 4/1 | "I wonder what Rube wants from me. He's never been that complimentary. The payoff I made to him after I won it all last year seems to be paying off." ~2003 Champ Homer Bedlow, after being complimented in Rube's SLPL Digest |
| 3/31 | "Now comes the hard part. We'll have to work twice as hard to do it again." ~Darrin Erstadt, less than an hour after winning the 2002 World Series |
| Copyright ©2003 by Joe Livernois and Tony Livernois. | |
| All rights reserved. | |